Explaining Therapy/Counselling to Older Children and Teenagers

• Set aside a quiet time to have the discussion.

• Briefly, in a couple of sentences, talk about the challenges that your family has been having. Stick with the facts including what you’ve tried to do so far and how it’s worked out.

• Let them know that you have decided to ask for more help and that you’ve made an appointment for counselling. Tell them when it is, the counselor’s name and what they’ll do there (i.e. do an activity to help them to get to know the counselor and have an opportunity to ask questions about the process). Ask if they have any questions, thoughts or feelings about the appointment.

• Explore their beliefs about what counselling is and who goes to counselling. Many kids come with two worries, one that they are in trouble or two that they are “crazy”.

  Most teens initial exposure to what counseling is comes from two places; the media and the school guidance counselor. The kids they see going to the counselor “are crazy or in trouble”. They have no other frame of reference for why they are being “sent” to counseling (like being “sent” to their room.)

  A gentler message is to explain that there are all types of counselors. This one is different and here’s why:

  “Yes, some kids do go to counselors because they are in trouble or crazy, but Irena is not that kind of counselor. She helps kids and parents learn to calm anxieties. She will listen to you and teach you new things to try. So, you are not crazy or in trouble. We’re just going to get some extra help to figure this out.”

Please Explain Anxiety to Me

Anxiety is a sense of worry, apprehension or fear.

A certain level of fear is healthy and necessary for human survival. This is how we know when danger is present.  We count on our brains and bodies to activate the necessary hormones that allow us to react appropriately. Do we freeze or hide? Do we run, or do we fight? Unless we are in the midst of a crisis, there is no need for these survival switches to be turned on. Some of us, however, experience this heightened sense of distress, or anxiety, in situations that most people can cope with. When parents and teachers note that a child’s fear or response to a situation prevents them from doing what they want or need to do, they should consider the professional support of a child play therapist as a way of helping children to manage their anxiety.

While a child is in therapy, it is important that all significant adults in the child’s life work collaboratively to help them transfer the skills they learn to cope with anxiety to everyday life.

Here are some additional tips for dealing with an anxious child:

·         Listen and accept your child’s concerns and perceptions, and kindly correct any misinformation

·         Encourage your child not to avoid but to gradually approach fearful situations one step at a time

·         Get to events on time thus avoiding the stress associated with arriving late

·         Explore best case and worst-case scenarios using realistic outcomes

·         Encourage your child to do things on their own and acknowledge their accomplishments

·         Try not to pass on your own fears to your child

·         Set equal expectations for all kids – expecting a child to be anxious will encourage anxiety

·         Set consequences and limits for all kids, don’t let anxiety allow your child to avoid situations that are reasonable to face.

Creating an Emotional First Aid Kit

It is important to take care of your mental health every day. Just like your physical health, you should practice a variety of good habits that build emotional resiliency. This would include: getting enough sleep, doing exercise that you like to do, eating nutritious and delicious food, spending time with your family and friends, resting and relaxing. The goal is to develop a sense of calm and well-being that you can draw on in any situation. As adults, we soothe our distress in a variety of ways. For most of us, this means we own a bag full of strategies, which include a mix of desirable and undesirable responses that help or hurt us.

Some of us who tend to get easily overwhelmed or experience bouts of depression could benefit from having an Emotional First Aid Kit to remind us what we can do to feel better. Here is a list of tools and techniques to choose from that you should keep in easy reach for when life gets to be a bit too much:

Grounding - a small ball or stone. Just squeezing this object and paying attention to your physical reaction can help calm your emotions.

A list of people you can call - include 3 or 4 people who are emotionally supportive that you can telephone, email or text.

Journal - write down your feelings or draw, doodle or colour

Exercise - walk, run, ride, dance, Zumba, yoga

Positive photographs and funny videos - people, pets, or special places.

Water- Don’t gulp, but rather sip, relax and be mindful of how you are feeling, or walk or sit by water, relax with the sight and sounds

Inspirational reading - find comfort in reading poems, prayers, or stories.

Chewing gum - has a calming effect on the brain because the repetitive motion produces serotonin.

A relaxing audio - download guided imagery sound tracks on your smartphone or tablet.

Music - play it, listen, sing along, don’t listen to sad songs, or songs that remind you of a difficult time in your life.

Daily crossword or Sudoku – using the left side of our brain pulls us away from our emotional side

Breathe - Consciously attend to breathing and relax

Positive self-talk - "I can" and "I'm sufficient" messages

Craft - Knit, crochet, scrapbook, sew, needlework, felting

Stick with it - If you can tolerate feeling anxious, you’ll be less likely to avoid trying new things, and more likely to try things a second time.